The Grand Piss : AO Reports

After avoiding Stupid Sunday which was hilariously overcrowded,   today I made it down to the courts.  It would be fair to say it a mix of fortunes,  mixed in with some bad stench literally and figuratively.

Ok,  the Australian Open has changed and not for the better.   Yes,  I might be old and grumpy,  sure you are not chasing the same women you are 18 as you are at 45.   Nothing stands still,  with any form of progress there are downsides.

For example the slick marketing call the Australian Open an event these days and a 3 week event at that.  You had the huge record crowds for qualifying,  but that is cause most people don't read the print with the dates of when the main draw started.   Extra Sunday is a straight money grab and never about the fans.  

What ends up happening is you have a huge bunch of clowns who go to the Aus Open to drink booze,  be seen and influencer types polluting the venue.   I mean most of those people can't tell the difference between forehand and forehead.   Of course I understand there has to be some entertainment,  but the tennis should be main focus and not the sideshow which it has become.

Now onto the tennis

Davidovich Fokina vs.  Misolic

Perfect first round match for Foki here as Misolic does not have the weapons to bother him,  especially on this surface.   The biggest issue was Foki trying to keep his concentration as this match was going too easily for him.

It will be interesting to see how he handles this season after two major disappointments in finals in 25.  He has changed coaches which was a surprise with Felix Mantilla being replaced by Mariano Puerta,  let'see how that pans out.   His consistent run of form in 25 started from here.

This was a professional performance,   get it done with a minimum of fuss.   Next round will be a challenge as he plays the servebot Reilly Opelka.

Čilić vs.  Altmaier

Altmaier had an excellent 2025 and finished the year getting married in Mexico.   Yes,  I want to go to a Mexican wedding in the future.   The start of the year has been difficult for Altmaier as he had not won any of the matches in Brisbane and Adelaide.   It's not that he can't be effective on a hardcourt,  it just needs to be on the slower side.

The best thing I can say that for the first 2 sets Altmaier was very consistent.   He was mistiming off both sides,  that either was sailing out, into the net or being mid court fodder for Čilić to punish with winners.

Čilić was solid but not that good to have won the first two sets 6-0 6-0.  Once Altmaier got on the board he ended an awful run of losing 21 games in a row,  as he had lost from 3-4 to Munar in Adelaide score being 6-3 6-0.

Once Altmaier got on the board he started to extend some rallies and fought hard as he was never really comfortable in the match.   Got it to a 3rd set breaker where he had a mini break,  but a couple of poor points and got punished for it.

As the great philosopher once said "sometimes it maybe good,  sometimes it maybe shit".  We all have days like that,  thankfully he's going to be playing on clay after here.   Got to stick around for the shit moments to embrace the good ones.

The Bizarre

Last year I was the Fokina vs. FAA which was suspended due to excessive crowd noise from another court.  Had to be moved to another court then finishing at 1.30am with numerous antics.

I had my incredibly sexy death metal unicorn shirt on. Someone dressed in a seagull costume was either very impressed or jealous.

The scene for the bizarre event of the tournament is Court 14 aka the Grand Piss.   The court is located near some portaloos.  As the wind changed direction,  there must have been a blockage or the sewage was on strike.  Everyone was either coughing or holding their nose as stench lingered over the court.   Maybe I was lucky after spending way too many hours in dingy venues or my hayfever was so bad that I was not impacted as others.

As for the match between Maestrelli and Atmane.   The young qualifier was too strong in the last 2 sets,  he served very well, forced Atmane into error after error.   There was plenty of noise from the Italian fans,  some of the Frenchies must have been at other matches.

Once he took the match,  the joy and celebration from Maestrelli celebrating with his team and fans afterwards was magnificent.   There were tears in his eyes,  this is huge for a younger player who has been on the Challenger tour. Winning a round at a major sure you get points for it,  but the money defintiely helps a lot as well with the scheduling where there is not the need to chase tournaments.

On that note stop hitting the ball to him ya dickhead.